I have a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding.
On the love side, I know it's the best nutrition for Nathan and he seems to be growing and thriving on it. I enjoy(ed) the close bond and quiet time with him. And hey, let's be honest - it's been awesome at taking the post-pregnancy weight off.
But all along it's been a struggle. I must be one of the lucky ones prone to clogged ducts because I get one almost every other day - no joke. Nathan is sensitive to dairy so I've had to change my diet and even still I wonder if what I'm consuming is negatively affecting him. And lately my sweet, quiet, sleepy boy has "woken up" and everything seems more interesting than eating.
Each feeding has become a battle of trying to keep his attention while calming his cries and shrieks when he falls off. He'll arch his back, rear his head and stiffen his entire body while getting frantic. I never know if he's had enough and it has me going crazy wondering...
Am I producing enough milk?
Am I starving him?
Is there something else wrong keeping him from eating well?
Is this just a phase as teething gets worse?
I don't know why I feel such pressure to keep it up even though it's been getting more and more challenging. No one is forcing me to breastfeed. In fact, Ryan is more than supportive if I wanted to stop. The fact that I know it's so great for Nathan keeps me going, but is it really best if we're both having such a hard time?
I am torn up about it and have spent many a time crying, weighing the pros and cons in my head of switching to formula. I am not ready to stop right this very second...but ask me again at our next feeding and I may have a different response.
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3 weeks ago
4 comments:
Kris- you just have to do what you think is best! Sorry it's been such a struggle but you are an awesome momma and I'm so proud of you for hanging in there!
Kristin, I had a similar problem with Megan around that age. It was like she had just "woken up" mentally and was so curious and had to look at everything around her at the expense of my comfort. What finally worked for me was to just take her in her room, turn the lights off or very low and turn on the noise machine to drown out any other noise in the house. If she still wouldn't nurse well in those conditions, I would just stop and try again 15 or 20 minutes later or when she acted ready.
You've done a great job nursing this long! Don't feel guilty if you decide it's time to quit. You have to quit sooner or later anyway!
DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! DO NOT FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE FAILED!
Everyone is so proud of you, and any doctor in the WORLD will tell you that there is no need to put unnecessary pressure on yourself for this. You have to do what is right for BOTH of you, not just him. I remember when I stopped, and Nora's pediatrician was INCREDIBLY reassuring about my decision. The average time that people nurse is less than 8 weeks. I had to hear her tell me it was ok to let go, and it was so hard.
But you have to put yourself first here too.
Proud of you! Muah!
Whatever you decide will be a great decision for you BOTH. Do you have a pump? If so, that is an option too. That is what I did, so he had the stuff I wanted him to have, but took away the pressure of actually breastfeeding (because it did not work for us at all).
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