EBF

I have a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding.

On the love side, I know it's the best nutrition for Nathan and he seems to be growing and thriving on it. I enjoy(ed) the close bond and quiet time with him. And hey, let's be honest - it's been awesome at taking the post-pregnancy weight off.

But all along it's been a struggle. I must be one of the lucky ones prone to clogged ducts because I get one almost every other day - no joke. Nathan is sensitive to dairy so I've had to change my diet and even still I wonder if what I'm consuming is negatively affecting him. And lately my sweet, quiet, sleepy boy has "woken up" and everything seems more interesting than eating.

Each feeding has become a battle of trying to keep his attention while calming his cries and shrieks when he falls off. He'll arch his back, rear his head and stiffen his entire body while getting frantic. I never know if he's had enough and it has me going crazy wondering...

Am I producing enough milk?

Am I starving him?

Is there something else wrong keeping him from eating well?

Is this just a phase as teething gets worse?

I don't know why I feel such pressure to keep it up even though it's been getting more and more challenging. No one is forcing me to breastfeed. In fact, Ryan is more than supportive if I wanted to stop. The fact that I know it's so great for Nathan keeps me going, but is it really best if we're both having such a hard time?

I am torn up about it and have spent many a time crying, weighing the pros and cons in my head of switching to formula. I am not ready to stop right this very second...but ask me again at our next feeding and I may have a different response.